So um...i suck at life. Just so that everyone knows, I kinda give up.
This is an example of how it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have a good day...
1) I woke up this morning with a headache and horrible cramps.
2) I hit my second wind of energy at around 10 AM and was golden...for like thirty minutes.
3) I almost collapsed at full band at 12 today. I was slightly dehydrated and that doesn't help the whole cramps thing. . . at all.
4) I went to Burger Chick and had a blast making ropes.
5) I met Russell at the school after the rope making thing and ran. He just wanted me to run a quarter of a mile, one lap. I agreed to it (because I've gotta begin somewhere and it'll help my breath support). I made it about half way and ended up having to walk about 10 steps before i could begin to run again. I'm not asthmatic at all (that I'm aware of) and Russ has severe asthma...plus he smokes about a pack a day but my lungs were ON FIRE. He was so disappointed in me. He is sticking with it, he runs a mile a day at least and wants me to be able to do the same so he'll have someone to run with so he's sticking with motivating me. He's pretty good at it, I'm meeting him Sunday to try again and maybe push even further if I can (doubt it but hey, ya never know.) But either way i let him down because i walked. That made me feel really bad.
6) I went to the hangar tonight for Bain's party and i didn't talk to anyone the whole first hour i was there because i'm a freak.
7) I finally just got fed up with just sitting around and decided to leave and go see Brandon (a REALLY old friend of mine that I haven't seen in TWO YEARS and he's home for a little while so i'm trying to spend lots of time with him, he's in the air force and college at Auburn so he's gone a lot.) So I'm backing out of my parking spot at the hangar and ALMOST hit Tracey's SUV....
8) and while i'm thinking "wow, that was close!" i manage to back into Emily's mustang.........
Okay, damage wise it scraped her passenger's side back bumper and dented in my drivers side door. but the dent in my door popped back out easily and is now just a slight bump. not even bad enough to tell really in the light (idk how it'll look in daylight tomorrow though).
Her brother works in a body shop. She got my phone number just in case and was like "oh girl, it's cool. I've been in 13 wrecks, i know what it's like to be a crappy driver." So maybe things will be chill.
But on the matter of the fact that there is still a slight dent in my car....um...that kinda sucks. It's nothing a good body work place can't just simply bump out and buff away but i don't have the money. I'm telling mom (tomorrow after work) that apparently someone either really hates me or just decided to drive off. and backed into it at work. either that or i'm going to just ignore it. . . and when she notices it be like "WTF??!!??!!"
but i did get to go meet Brandon (after Chance backed my car out of the spot without hitting anything and then told me and Joe Griffith that he could see how i hit her car, mine is FULL of blind spots and the dark doesn't help at all.) and we sat out at this church in bremen in the parking lot and we were sitting up against my car on the ground just talking....(anything more with Brandon would be way way way weird lol) and the church's sign read "smile! God loves you!!" and i read it...like a thousand times before he got there and when he pulled up he came around and sat beside me and i turned to him and said "that sign really makes me want to shoot something." and after i said it i turned back to the sign and just stared at it....not two seconds after those words were outta my mouth i heard him cock a pistol. . . . . . HE HAD A PISTOL IN HIS POCKET!!! it made me smile. seriously. like i'm all hippie anti violence and crap...but i'll shoot inanimate objects any day! lol I couldn't even take the gun i was so astounded. i was just like "wow. just wow.....you have a gun in your pocket?!.....wow." and he was like "yeah, it was my 21st birthday present to myself" (typical brandon. please keep in mind, he was David's best friend all through high school. they are no longer friends [because really, who wants to be friends with David now days?] but they were a LOT alike in the whole weapon fetish thing) He put it away of course :( but then like twenty minutes later i was crying again (this is what stress does to a girl who's already hormonal.) and i was like "so can i borrow your gun?" and he wouldn't give it to me. which i kinda decided that suicide in a church parking lot was kinda a little too um, not good. lol but yeah.
i have no point. i'm simply rambling till i fall asleep.
I'm blessed to have the friends i have (tonight i'm mainly talking about Brandon and Russell but still, they're all very wonderful) and today's bad day crap was simply another kick from God. I asked for this one. I really did. I said that if i fell off the wagon again for Him to kick me because that's the only way i'll get back up.....and He kicked me...and I'm going to lie to my mom about the dent or i'm just not going to say anything (probably just not say anything) but i'm guarding my tongue again (one of my biggest sins...stupid foul words) and i'm going to start reading my bible again. I quit when camp started cause i was tired...stupid huh?
and I'm going to pray.
As i was running the last bit today Russell was trying to motivate me...he told me to get a cadence in my head (we're both corps lovers) and that'll help me keep a steady pace and all....but i couldn't find a beat....so instead i repeated Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." over and over again. it was the first thing that entered my brain....I'm officially combining my running with my memorization of verse. I'm going to select a verse or passage and use it as my motivation (especially on days when our schedules conflict and we can't run together).
I keep slipping and falling and He always picks me back up but I'm such a pessimist. Things have to get better...every one keeps telling me that. I don't even come close to believing them though and it sucks.
that's all. i'm sleepy.