Things are pretty rad here lately. The boy I'm infatuated with is showing me the attention I crave again, I'm making good grades, the competition piece took second today, band's almost over, I'm getting good pay checks again, and things with my parents are better than they've ever been...I should be happy. I shouldn't have to work my butt off just to smile. Why is it so hard for me? I don't want to feel bad but I always have this sense of a kinda hopelessness sitting in my chest. I just feel really down. Idk why. or how.